Thursday, December 27, 2012

And the Muffin-Top Takes the Lead

How is it possible that I can wake in the morning with an unwavering resolve to eat better and workout, only to slither my spineless self to the drive-thru for some calorie-fest of a breakfast just 2 hours later?  Seriously, the speed at which I can justify downing a McGriddle mere minutes after vowing to eat clean, almost qualifies as a superpower.

I don’t mean I do this once in a while.  I do it all. the. time.

Today is the day.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said these words to myself or written them on the foggy mirror while getting ready in the morning.  I hesitate in calling these words my mantra, as I think of a mantra as something you live your life by.  Something you say over and over that not only encourages, but produces results.
I’ve seen no results from repeating today is the day.  Well, I shouldn’t say I’ve seen no results – I’ve seen results that are the inverse of what today is the day is supposed to represent; a lower number on the scale and the staving off of any upper arm cellulite.  Yeah, you read that right.  Cellulite on my upper arms.  That’s new, by the way.  Caught a glimpse of it this weekend as the sun was hitting my arm at just the right angle.  I gotta be honest, I didn’t even know cellulite in that region of the body was possible.

Given this new-found discovery, I decided to see what else might be evading me in my daily, full-mirror once-overs.

Sidebar – my mom gets very uncomfortable when things start getting too….shall we say, “real.”  So, in an effort to protect her from any ridicule at next week’s bridge game, I will swap the word “naked” for “in a bikini" in this next portion.

You know how you stand in a bikini in the mirror and look at yourself?  I mean really look at yourself. (uh, yes you do.)
You know, you’re standing there in your bikini, sucking in your stomach.  You do the half-turn to check out every angle and think to yourself, Huh, it’s not quite as bad as I thought.  Well, this past weekend, I tried something a little different.  I stood in front of the mirror - in my bikini - without sucking in my stomach or tightening any muscle groups…

***************I'll give you the moment you need to let that sink in.************

No.  Words.
And then, as if what I was looking at wasn't terrifying enough, I started to bounce up and down.  That's right, just bouncing up and down, still not forcibly tightening any muscle groups.  The bouncing exercise was initially to see what my legs looked like when I ran.  But then I couldn’t stop looking at the rest of me.  I was morbidly fascinated.  I was like a deer in the headlights. (a sad, jiggly, pasty-white deer)  I couldn’t look away.

When did this happen?  Yesterday?  Because I don’t remember the ramp-up process.    
And, look, this has nothing to do with comparing how out of shape I am with someone else.  This has to do with comparing the “me” of today, with the “me” of yesterday. (so to speak)

Let me explain a little something about myself; I think a lot of things are a good idea.  Getting back in shape?  Good idea.  Being a millionaire?  Good idea.  The trick is finding that beautiful balance between what I want and being okay with the work and commitment it will take to get me there. 
And there it is – work and commitment; my sometime nemesis.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t run from all commitment.  I was fully committed to consuming my daily allotment of Weight Watchers Points by 10 am most days.  And I used to embrace the work and commitment of fitness.  Oh, how I long to find that place again - that glorious place that drove my running shoes and me to the pavement each night after work.  That place that was sated by steamed broccoli, fish and green tea.  Not a beer, quesadillas and my comfy-cozy jammie pants.

Yet, even with that horrifyingly vivid, mega-slow mo’ replay of my ill-advised bikini experiment begging me otherwise, I can scarcely think of anything better than a fire, my jammie pants and couchin’ it for the night.

Tomorrow.  Tomorrow’s definitely gonna be the day!


  1. Brave, brave lady. I could never bounce in front of a mirror, I couldn't imagine the ugly... But beer and quesadilla- that is my type of meal..

  2. A kindred spirit - I like you already! It wasn't pretty. I'm not sure if it was brave or just stupid. :) Thanks for reading!

  3. Hahaha!! LOVE. Seriously, this. is. me. I'm hoping hoping hoping to actually follow through with my whole get fit commitment, but it's so easy to come up with excuses! Damn food for tasting so DAMN good. Damn.

  4. I'll get it together Monday...the weekend's coming, you know! Lots of stuff to celebrate, like, it being Saturday and then Sunday...thanks for stopping by, Marissa!

  5. You're funny! I'm sure you don't look as bad as you think you do! We're always our worse critic, aren't we? But I can definately relate to your frame of mind. One minute I'm on a mission to 'get my hott-ness back' & get healthy - and 15 minutes later I'm asking someone to pass the donuts! :)
    My muffin top is obnoxious, seriously! Good luck!

  6. Jenny, we can have a muffin-top-off! Thank you for reading!

  7. OMG this is awesome. And, sadly (not because you're sad, but um because I'm sad and we're all sad??), SO ME. The only times I'm super motivated to run, lose weight and eat my broccoli as if it were a main dish are often motivated by others (as in new date, new something else intimidating). Because I'm a comfy mom with a hubster who thinks I'm delicious as I am (he's actually SAID "it's ok, I like big butts" before. for real.), I have slacked and given into my nacho lovin' self.
    LOVE this post!!

    Oh and thanks for the comment on my blog i can't link to it using your comment tool but I'd never have found you if it weren't for that comment and now I'm addicted! SO THANK YOU! You're totally rockin' awesome. <3

  8. I'm a WAY comfy mom, too! And although I have a younger man courting me, he thinks I'm pretty delicious as/is, too. If only I were happy with how I looked, I could just sit here on my couch all day...

    I know our motivation is coming soon - after all, I'm going to have to uncover these legs in about 3 months (Texas weather...gotta love it) :)

    Thank you for the great comments - I have no idea how to get my comment to link to me (she's new, folks!) Thank you for your kind words!

  9. I'm confused. Did you hijack my brain? I am going through the same ordeal. When did...THIS (motioning like Vanna White alongside entire body)...happen??

    I do the naked...I mean bikini...mirror thing every day. Minus the jumping. I'm not that brave. I also have a weak stomach and there's no question that what I would see I the mirror would make me hurl.

  10. I have a weak stomach, too. But the fascination far outweighed the nausea. I don't recommend it for everyone, however - some things you just can't un-see.

    Thank you for reading TGNDDAS!

  11. Wow!! I'm with "The Girl Next Door and Swears" at must have hijacked my brain too. I am sitting here in my jammie pants LMAO at how you just described me...LOL

  12. I'm just thinking it's good practice, Diane! Jammie pants and a couch - it's a magical pairing... thanks for reading!

  13. PJ's and my sofa sound like heaven, but so does actually having the time to walk my dog in the early morning hours. It can be pretty difficult to make the commitment to self that is really required for getting into a shape that doesn't make you cringe in the mirror. For now I know I don't have that commitment - so I try not to look.

    1. I have 3 dogs and I wake up at 5:00 to walk them in 2 shifts. I feel like that should be my workout, right? The commitment after work is difficult for me since my commute is long and I already have limited time with my 12 year old. Maybe I should just stop looking as well. Thanks so much for taking the time to read me.

  14. I'm laughing because you pretty much just summed me up in one paragraph. I too stand in front of the mirror, although my attention goes more toward all the sagging taking place. It's like my skin is getting heavier the older I get, lol. Loved this post! Now following. :-)

    1. My everything is getting heavier the older I get ;). Thanks so much for reading and for the follow! I'm headed over to your page now!