Hey youngin’! What’re you up to? Let me guess – you’ve got a little Duran Duran blaring on the ghetto blaster and you’re dancing in front of your mirror in white high-top Reeboks, leg warmers and frosted pink lipstick, right? Yeah, not to alarm you, but you’ll still be doing that in 2013. You see, I'm writing to you from the future. I'm you, only 27 years older. And, no, I'm not living in a retirement community. (note to self, you might want to start thinking of 43 as young...it'll serve you well in the years to come - maybe)
Look, I have no idea if this is actually going to get to you or not, but if there’s even the slightest chance that it might, please read what I have to say. Don’t just read it, read it. Heed my words of advice. I really do speak from experience and you know I have your best interest at heart. After all, I’m you.
- Stop wearing frosted blue eye shadow. No, not even then. Just stop.
- In a few days, you’ll learn to make funnel cakes in Home-Ec. When you attempt to make them at home that evening, read and then re-read Rule #1 – otherwise you will set the house a’blaze and be sentenced to hear about it at every Thanksgiving and Christmas until you’re at least 43.
- Tell mom no more home perms! The white-girl-fro is not your friend.
- Your parents are not only hilarious and fun, they’re GREAT parents. Appreciate them more.
- For the love of all that’s holy, take a tweezer to those brows.
- I know you think you’re fat right now. That makes me want to punch you.
- Everyone in high school is just as insecure as you are. Just like you, they’re all just trying to find their way. Be kind; to others and yourself.
- You will desperately attempt to become Kelly McGillis after seeing the movie Top Gun. Save the ink on that deal with the devil - she doesn’t age well.
- I can’t tell you how rich we’d be today if you’d just save all the money you're going to spend on Dippity-do. Seriously, a little goes a long way – tap the brakes, sister.
- These really are some of the best years of your life. Stop trying to grow up quite so fast.
- Stop - just stop wasting your time praying for boobs. They’re never going to come in. Ever.
- Mom’s job right now is to watch you walk straight into the line of fire while attempting to steer you out of harm’s way. This is the hardest job in the world as a mother, in that what’s best for you ultimately makes you push away from her. The love she has for you almost suffocates her. You will understand this one day. Go easy on her.
- In about two months, you'll be getting ready for your first date with the quarterback of the varsity football team. You've got a choice to make here - either wear a panty liner or don't wear the yellow pants. (my God, if you hear nothing else, hear this one!)
Your (our) life is full of all of the beautiful things that make a life complete: Love, heartache, life, death, success, failure (lots of failure), embarrassment, laughter, frustration, peace, anxiety, calm… We're one of the lucky ones.
Pssst - Invest in “Orange” (think fruit, not color) when you get your first job.
Eh, don’t worry, I wasn't bright enough to pick up on the not-so subtleties of even that hint at the age of 16. Ya can't blame me for trying.
Wanna join in the Theme Thursday mayhem or read some more Letters to 16 Year Old Selves? Head on over to Something Clever 2.0 and check it out. Just click the picture below.