Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Think I Could Get An Endorsement Deal?

Kids, nothing good happens after midnight.  In fact, most of the stupidest decisions I’ve made in life happened between 1 and 3 am.  One such decision was the purchase of a little workout program called Insanity from a 2am infomercial.  Today is Day 45 of this ridiculous death sentence.  Forty five days of hearing Shaun T yell at me to “Dig deeper!”  Forty five days of screaming “JEZEBEL” and “HOOKER” at the hard-bodied females performing effortless full body drills on the screen in front of me. (Hey, you do what motivates you, I’ll do what motivates me.)  I’m also fairly certain one girl in the back has a kickin’ case of sour cream and chive breath, but I don’t yell at her. 
 
Last we spoke about Insanity, I was on Day 5.  Ah, Day 5.  I was so innocent and naive back then.  Remember?  The DVD’s were unscratched, Shaun T’s jokes were still funny and I was ready to take on the Insanity world one globe-jump at a time.  But about the time Day 12 rolled around, I was pretty bored with the monotony of the program and finding the time was becoming a challenge.  Mornings are out because I have to walk the dogs.  Nights are busy with dinner, homework, drums and soccer practice, so unless I do it right when I walk the door at night, I run out of time.  And let me tell you, the last thing I want to do when I get home from work is hammer out 40 minutes of scream-inducing calisthenics in my bedroom. 
 
uncomfortable silence...
  
Let alone the fact that I’ve actually GAINED 2 pounds since I started this program.  Do you know how hard it is to lose 2 pounds?  Hell, do you know how hard it is to GAIN 2 pounds when you're doing 40 minutes of high interval training each night?  And some of you - my sweet, sweet friends -  are actually kind enough to offer, “It’s muscle weight.”  God love ya…  No it’s not.

But you know what?  I kept lacing up my shoes.  I kept pressing play.  I “X”’d off each day and I clawed my way through the completion of Month 1!!  I felt like a bad ass, proud, accomplished - chest thumpy, even.  The accomplishment of completing Month 1 renewed my motivation.  Plus, I got to start a rotation of 3 new workout DVD's with Month 2.   I was back, I was stronger than ever, I felt great, I. was. ready.
 
BRING ON MONTH 2!

**innocently presses play on the DVD player**

putMonth2back, PutMonth2Back, PUTMONTH2BACK! 

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How the hell the people at Beach Body thought Month 2 was a logical successor to Month 1 is beyond me.  The differences in the physical exertion between the two is so...how can I put this so that you'll understand?

How about this: 
 
Month 1 is like a stroll through a flowery meadow on a warm spring day with the sun shining warmly upon your face. 
 
Month 2 is like an anaconda wrapped around a chupacabra dipped in gasoline and lit on fire death.  Month 2 is death.

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In case you're wondering, I'm still doing the program - but I'm not at all happy about it.

22 comments:

  1. I am so curious to hear how this pans out. An honest review, that's what I'm talkin' about! I'm also curious to see what you do with the t-shirt once you finish. Wear it? Burn it? Rip it apart with your teeth? I'm fairly sure it's going to be an emotional moment either way. Till then, I'm waiting with bated, sour cream and chive breath.

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    1. That shirt is the only thing that keeps me coming back! I'm gonna wear it for a year straight and then I'm gonna frame it!!

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  2. You go for that endorsement, Karen. I'll stick with trying to get one from Philosophy by lolling in bubble baths and slathering on their lotions and potions.

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    1. Cut me in on that deal if they come calling!

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  3. That silence would have been even more awkward if you had put quotation marks around "calisthenics."

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    1. Ha! It's the beauty of knowing my audience.

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  4. I couldn't do it. I am NOT a workout type of person. Three of my friends do Insanity and love it. My husband and I just drink Shakeology... We don't care about being fit; we just want to be skinny again. Is that bad?

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    1. Absolutely not! If I could drink a shake and get rid of the 2 lbs Insanity bestowed upon me, I would be one happy girl. Fit...it's just a pipe dream anyway - I eat horribly, which is why I gained those 2 lbs in the first place.

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    2. You totally can! And I'm not just saying that because there's an ad for it on my blog. ;)

      Seriously, though, my husband is guest-posting about it next week. He lost 3lb the first week. No exercise.

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    3. Seriously?? I will be sure to read, then. Until then, I'm Googling.

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    4. It's up: http://www.somethingclever2point0.com/2013/04/how-to-lose-weight-by-doing-nothing.html

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  5. I don't like breaking a sweat unless I'm getting some instant gratification out of it. Like bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers. I'm proud of you for sticking with it though! That's amazing. I'm going to have to read Jenn's post too, because that sounds like something I could get in on.

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    1. I'm totally with you and Insanity is just that - stupid insanity. Drinking a shake is totally something I could get behind. Cheers!

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  6. Last year around this time, I was making my way through Insanity. I finished the program too and I must say I was in the best shape of my life although I did not lose a single pound (most likely because I did not watch what I ate AT ALL) but I never felt more fit and, dare I say, athletic. I really need to do it again. I keep trying to psych myself up for it because since then I have been on a downward spiral and feel horrible about my level of fitness. I even wrote a few posts about it back when I was doing it! You can check out how I did--keeping it real! Just search for Insanity on the blog and it should pull up the posts! I will be cheering for you. I KNOW how demanding it is...and you can do it! Even if you really don't want to! :) !~Christine

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    1. Oh how I don't want to! I'm going to go read your posts and see if it gives me an incentive to go home and press play tonight - will it? I so appreciate the motivation!!

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  7. Oh my gosh, you're so freaking awesome for hanging in there! And I admit that "hanging in there" is such an understatement. A few weeks ago I was thumbing through the channels on a rare mid-morning T.V. break and I saw an infomercial for Insanity. Needless to say I thought of you and I quickly understood why you would have signed up - that's one bad ass t-shirt!! I snapped a picture of my daughter watching the informercial with me, eating her banana, unimpressed (remember, she's too little to know what cellulite is, bless her heart). Don't worry, I got her lined up, she's whole-heartedly rooting for you now, just as I am. Hang in there! Err...well you know what I mean. Go girl!

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    1. I heart you so hard! I'm so flattered you thought of me - thank you for the encouragement!

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