Wednesday, January 9, 2013

I Believe That's Strike 3

Do you have any idea how exhausting it is worrying about what everyone else thinks of you?  I don’t know how I make it through the day, tip toeing around the minefield I’ve created for myself.  Is someone speaking ill of me?  Did I do the wrong thing or say something offensive?  I will get off the phone after talking to a friend and pick the entire conversation apart, wondering if I said something they might have misinterpreted.  When it was raining out and I said, “Stay dry!” did she think I was suggesting she was an alcoholic? 

And being a mom…?  Are you kidding me?  That’s like having a renegade “me” on steroids out there doing things that I can’t police or control.  Saying things like, “Who’s God?” and “My mom buys Lunchables.” 
Being a divorced mom, I feel like I have 2 strikes against me out of the gate.  I always fear that people (especially other moms) might unfairly pass judgment on me; that they might label me with some stereotype of a beer swillin’, tube top wearin’, “woo” girl, who flashes her boobs at NASCAR races.  I know I shouldn’t care what other people think, but when it comes to how I’m perceived as a mother, I absolutely do care. 

When Ryan first asked to play soccer, I decided to go the church league route.  Admittedly, my son is more of an academic than a jock, so I thought with the church league there would be less chance of any post-game swirlies should my son inadvertently score for the other team. (a very real possibility) 
So there we were – my slightly younger boyfriend, my son’s dad and I (sketchy already, isn’t it?) - at the last game of a successful, swirlie-free soccer season.  The coach’s wife was talking to me about how she and her husbanded decided to move their son to the church league because the city league was just too competitive for his young age.  “And you wouldn’t believe some of the things coming out of the other boy’s mouths,” she said, “We just didn’t want our son around that.”  Of course I was nodding in emphatic agreement. 

And I believe it was directly after the coach’s wife wrapped up our conversation with, “We have so enjoyed having Ryan on the team this year,” that my life came to a complete standstill – as Ryan thundered across the field, “You friggin’ SUCK!” to the opposing team….of girls… 
**hushed whispers**  - “Just as I suspected.  That beer swillin’, boob flashin’, floozy is raising a foul mouthed misogynist.  I’ll bet he eats Lunchables and doesn’t even know who God is.”

That might not be verbatim, but suffice it to say we haven’t been invited to any church socials…

With age I've gotten better about being my own person and not looking for acceptance at every turn.  I've also gotten better about not over-analyzing every conversation I have.  In fact, just recently my boss was popping popcorn (or as we like to call it in our office, "crack").  When my boss walked by, I said, "Your crack sure does smell good!"  And I still returned to work the next day.   

I call this progress.
By the way, the soccer anecdote notwithstanding, my kid’s a good kid.  Scratch that, he’s a great kid.  Even at 12 he still kisses me and hugs me in public.  When he introduces me to his friends he says, “This is my mom, isn’t she pretty?”  He’s exceptionally smart, has a great sense of humor and isn’t afraid to take the road less traveled.  This I admire as I’m a conformist to the nth degree.    

He has the kindest heart, a giving spirit, and a love for all things “family.”  I’d like to think that I had something to do with these last three.

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Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a NASCAR race to prepare for…

11 comments:

  1. I have been a HUGE victim of my own insecurities when it comes to what people may or may not think of me! I hate it. It's definitely exhausting and all it does is create even MORE insecurities.
    I actually just wrote a blog about that exact thing. Screw what anyone else thinks of you! What do YOU think of you? That's what matters! :)

    P.S. Lunchables are the bomb-diggity. ;)

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  2. I'm ridiculous about it - a vicious, vicious cycle! But I'm learning...

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  3. Ha! I love the "your crack sure does smell good!" as well as how Ryan yelled at the team of girls at the absolutely perfect moment. Funny, awesome stuff. I, too, worry way too much about what other people think of me. And my kid.

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  4. We gotsta stop that! Ryan has a flare for the dramatic - he wasn't even trying for perfect timing...I'm sure it was a lesson for me from the universe :)

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  5. Hey! I was recently nominated for the Liebster Award & I listed your blog along with 10 others to participate!
    Read about it here: http://confessionsofafailingdomesticgoddess.blogspot.com/2013/01/liebster-award-oh-my-gosh-i-didnt.html

    If you don't want to participate, you definitely don't have to!

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  6. Urrrrrrrr..... OUT! Kidding. That was great! I can relate. One of the first words out of my youngest daughter's mouth was Gaga. As in Lady Gaga. What?

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    1. ha! I think my son's first word might have been "shit." I kid, but only sort of. By the way, thank you for taking the time to read something other than my Liebster post - I always hope people will find something else to read when that's my most recent post...better get to writing, huh? Appreciate the visit!

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  7. YOU'RE BACK! YOU'RE BACK! YOU'RE BACK! Well, you've been back for a while, but I'm just now discovering it. I decided on a whim to check in - its been almost a year now I think - and there you were, lots of new entries I can't wait to read. I began from where I left off and proceeded to let my bath water almost run over because I was laughing so hard and was totally engrossed in what you've been up to.
    As for me, I haven't blogged in...ahem, awhile. I think my blog is rusted over.

    Anyhoo, here's a story to make you feel better. I was once - NO JOKE - at a client sponsored event at a NASCAR race in Texas when I introduced one of our agency artists (a male) and an account service guy to the client. It went like this. "This is Greg, our new artist, he's great, kinda my other half. Oh and this is Barry, you could also say he's my other half. See, I'm more than a whole!"

    Someone shoot me please.

    It was crickets for a good 20 seconds where I almost burst into tears and ran out onto the track hoping Bobby Labonte would run me over.

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    1. AMY!!! I HAVE MISSED YOU!!! And don't think I haven't been checking to see if you've been bloggin'. I needed my inspiration! Oh, your NASCAR story makes me feel so much betta! Crack. me. up.! I hope your break from blogging just means you've been enjoying the heck out of your man and man-in-progress. And thank you for reading my ridiculous entries - you always boosted my writing ego :) Are you going to be writing again?? **please say yes, please say yes, please say yes**

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  8. I need to just jump back in. My daytime writing gig just became so demanding I wanted to about anything BUT write in my free time. Then my mornings - what used to be my bloggin time - is now my devo time with the hubs. And I just can't trade that. Something about the quiet house, hot coffee and my man holding my hand reading the bible is just...heaven. I never dreamed the hot, tattooed wild man I met at the honky tonk 8 years ago would one day be a strong man of God. THANK YA JESUS!

    I'll sound the alert as soon as I clear the cob webs off my blog. First, I have to catch up on all your entries. I really do think it's gonna become more than "just a blog" for you. I see big things ahead. So keep truckin' sister.


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    1. THIS is what I've been missing! Just keep commenting and mentioning how much you love your tattooed man of God and how you couldn't possibly give up your morning devotional time with him because that's the good stuff in life!

      And you telling me this could be more than "just a blog" for me, makes me somehow believe it. There's no way to thank you for that - just know that it's made my day.

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