I Know Me - And I Wouldn'tve Listened Anyway...

Dear 16 year old me:

Hey youngin’!  What’re you up to?  Let me guess – you’ve got a little Duran Duran blaring on the ghetto blaster and you’re dancing in front of your mirror in white high-top Reeboks, leg warmers and frosted pink lipstick, right?  Yeah, not to alarm you, but you’ll still be doing that in 2013.  You see, I'm writing to you from the future.  I'm you, only 27 years older.  And, no, I'm not living in a retirement community.  (note to self, you might want to start thinking of 43 as young...it'll serve you well in the years to come - maybe) 

Look, I have no idea if this is actually going to get to you or not, but if there’s even the slightest chance that it might, please read what I have to say.  Don’t just read it, read it.  Heed my words of advice.  I really do speak from experience and you know I have your best interest at heart.  After all, I’m you.

1. Stop wearing frosted blue eye shadow.  No, not even then.  Just stop.
2. In a few days, you’ll learn to make funnel cakes in Home-Ec.  When you attempt to make them at home that evening, read and then re-read Rule #1 – otherwise you will set the house a’blaze and be sentenced to hear about it at every Thanksgiving and Christmas until you’re at least 43. 
3. Tell mom no more home perms!  The white-girl-fro is not your friend.
4. Your parents are not only hilarious and fun, they’re GREAT parents.  Appreciate them more.
5. For the love of all that’s holy, take a tweezer to those brows.
6. I know you think you’re fat right now.  That makes me want to punch you.
7. Everyone in high school is just as insecure as you are.  Just like you, they’re all just trying to find their way.  Be kind; to others and yourself.
8. You will desperately attempt to become Kelly McGillis after seeing the movie Top Gun.  Save the ink on that deal with the devil - she doesn’t age well.
9. I can’t tell you how rich we’d be today if you’d just save all the money you're going to spend on Dippity-do.  Seriously, a little goes a long way – tap the brakes, sister.
10. These really are some of the best years of your life.  Stop trying to grow up quite so fast.
11. Stop - just stop wasting your time praying for boobs.  They’re never going to come in.  Ever. 
12. Mom’s job right now is to watch you walk straight into the line of fire while attempting to steer you out of harm’s way.  This is the hardest job in the world as a mother, in that what’s best for you ultimately makes you push away from her.  The love she has for you almost suffocates her.  You will understand this one day.  Go easy on her.
13. In about two months, you'll be getting ready for your first date with the quarterback of the varsity football team.  You've got a choice to make here - either wear a panty liner or don't wear the yellow pants.  (my God, if you hear nothing else, hear this one!)

Well, that’s it – that’s all I got.  I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t tell you to avoid "that guy," give you the answers to Mr. Overeem's English final, or give you the Lottery numbers for some huge jackpot drawing.  Oh, that’s right.  You don’t even know what the Lottery is yet.  Regardless, I wouldn’t give you that kind of information.  There are lessons you need to learn.  I don’t want to alter your path in life for fear that I might end up someplace other than right where I am.

Your (our) life is full of all of the beautiful things that make a life complete: Love, heartache, life, death, success, failure (lots of failure), embarrassment, laughter, frustration, peace, anxiety, calm… We're one of the lucky ones.

*********************** 

Pssst - Invest in “Orange” (think fruit, not color) when you get your first job.

Eh, don’t worry, I wasn't bright enough to pick up on the not-so subtleties of even that hint at the age of 16.  Ya can't blame me for trying.

Wanna join in the Theme Thursday mayhem or read some more Letters to 16 Year Old Selves?  Head on over to Something Clever 2.0 and check it out.  Just click the picture below.

 

 

My Diamond Shoes are Too Tight

Confession #1: I started this blog because I wanted to impress a guy.  Turns out he didn't much care for me, but "us" wasn't his purpose in my life.  This blog was.  I've never known what I wanted to be when I grew up.  All of the people around me seemed to have passions and talents and I just didn't. (wait - unless beer drinking counts)  When people would ask, "What's the one thing you'd do if you knew you couldn't fail?", I had no answer.  It wasn't until I started this blog, trying to impress a guy by writing about my horrific post-divorce dating experiences, that I found my missing spark in life.  So while I didn't get the guy, I did get this corner of the internet and a little something I like to call "purpose."  It doesn't suck.

Confession #2: This is hard work.  Blogging isn't just writing and posting.  It's self-discovery, it's building relationships, it's finding your niche, your voice, and being brave enough to use that voice - to stand naked - and let the masses judge. (masses, 11 readers, whatever).  Daily, I read my fellow blogger's posts and think, Hang it up - you're not even on the same playing field as these guys.  Every day I have to remind myself that I'm writing because I love to write.  That this is my journey, no one else's.  And the only person I should be comparing myself to, is the me of yesterday.  

Confession #3: I care way too much about what others think and I'm an asshole.  Let me explain-  After having a hot ass Latino man walk into my life, (not the guy above) the emergency brake was yanked on my dating scene.  No dating scene = no blog entries.  Or so I thought, since dating was all I'd ever written about.  It wasn't until October of last year that I began writing about other things in my life.  The first person to befriend me on my blogging journey was a very talented writer named Marissa, whom I am honored to call my friend.  Her blog is Confessions of a Failing Domestic Goddess, (click on it!) and in January, she awarded me a Liebster Award!  I've done nothing with it.  Asshole, I know.  

Sidebar - for those of you who don't know, a Liebster Award is a blogging award given from one blogger to another.  It's the sports equivalent of a slap on the ass by a teammate.  Your job, then, is to pass that award along to bloggers you think are slap-dat-ass-tastic.  

Word apparently hadn't gotten out that I'm Liebster loser, because a couple of days ago, I was awarded another Liebster Award by a new and talented blog friend at Bad Word Mama, (click on it!).  I am so incredibly flattered by both awards, I can't even tell you.  But I was paralyzed.  Paralyzed by the fear that paying the award forward would irritate my nominees.  What if the blogs I award don't want to participate?  What if all my hundred dollar bills won't fit into my wallet?  What if my boobs are too perky?

Lord help me if I ever have any real problems.

But then, like a glittery, fairy blog-mother beckoning me through the internets, I stumbled upon a comment with the most enticing blog entry title that I had to click on it (Epically Awesome Kittens with Diarrhea and a Coupon).  It led me to a blogger whom I have come to love.  She doesn't know I love her, this is a secret blog crush - her blog is My Life as Lucille.  If you click on that link, it will take you to the entry that completely eradicated my fear of the blog award.

I know, I know...just keep reading

So, to Marissa and Ellen - I'm in the process of writing my acceptance speeches and answering my questions - I will post soon.  I am so grateful to the both of you for believing in my little blog and I'm ready to pay it forward.