Wednesday, February 27, 2013

My Diamond Shoes are Too Tight

Confession #1: I started this blog because I wanted to impress a guy.  Turns out he didn't much care for me, but "us" wasn't his purpose in my life.  This blog was.  I've never known what I wanted to be when I grew up.  All of the people around me seemed to have passions and talents and I just didn't. (wait - unless beer drinking counts)  When people would ask, "What's the one thing you'd do if you knew you couldn't fail?", I had no answer.  It wasn't until I started this blog, trying to impress a guy by writing about my horrific post-divorce dating experiences, that I found my missing spark in life.  So while I didn't get the guy, I did get this corner of the internet and a little something I like to call "purpose."  It doesn't suck.

Confession #2: This is hard work.  Blogging isn't just writing and posting.  It's self-discovery, it's building relationships, it's finding your niche, your voice, and being brave enough to use that voice - to stand naked - and let the masses judge. (masses, 11 readers, whatever).  Daily, I read my fellow blogger's posts and think, Hang it up - you're not even on the same playing field as these guys.  Every day I have to remind myself that I'm writing because I love to write.  That this is my journey, no one else's.  And the only person I should be comparing myself to, is the me of yesterday.  

Confession #3: I care way too much about what others think and I'm an asshole.  Let me explain-  After having a hot ass Latino man walk into my life, (not the guy above) the emergency brake was yanked on my dating scene.  No dating scene = no blog entries.  Or so I thought, since dating was all I'd ever written about.  It wasn't until October of last year that I began writing about other things in my life.  The first person to befriend me on my blogging journey was a very talented writer named Marissa, whom I am honored to call my friend.  Her blog is Confessions of a Failing Domestic Goddess, (click on it!) and in January, she awarded me a Liebster Award!  I've done nothing with it.  Asshole, I know.  

Sidebar - for those of you who don't know, a Liebster Award is a blogging award given from one blogger to another.  It's the sports equivalent of a slap on the ass by a teammateYour job, then, is to pass that award along to bloggers you think are slap-dat-ass-tastic.  

Word apparently hadn't gotten out that I'm Liebster loser, because a couple of days ago, I was awarded another Liebster Award by a new and talented blog friend at Bad Word Mama, (click on it!).  I am so incredibly flattered by both awards, I can't even tell you.  But I was paralyzed.  Paralyzed by the fear that paying the award forward would irritate my nominees.  What if the blogs I award don't want to participate?  What if all my hundred dollar bills won't fit into my wallet?  What if my boobs are too perky?

Lord help me if I ever have any real problems.

But then, like a glittery, fairy blog-mother beckoning me through the internets, I stumbled upon a comment with the most enticing blog entry title that I had to click on it (Epically Awesome Kittens with Diarrhea and a Coupon).  It led me to a blogger whom I have come to love.  She doesn't know I love her, this is a secret blog crush - her blog is My Life as Lucille.  If you click on that link, it will take you to the entry that completely eradicated my fear of the blog award.

I know, I know...just keep reading

So, to Marissa and Ellen - I'm in the process of writing my acceptance speeches and answering my questions - I will post soon.  I am so grateful to the both of you for believing in my little blog and I'm ready to pay it forward.

    

 

13 comments:

  1. What the hell!! I didn't get any hundred dollar bills!! I've been dooped damn it!!

    Congrats.. I love your blog.. don't give anything up. Every post I've read makes me laugh.

    xoxo
    Ellen

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    1. Ha! I'll cut you in ;) And thank you, from the bottom of my heart. xo

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  2. Girl. Give yourself some much deserved credit. You are one of the few blogs that I read EVERY SINGLE TIME you post. And I'm not just saying that. You're the bees knees. (I'm 37 and I just said "bees knees"). More than one day a week I feel like a big fat failure out in the blogosphere. It's super to add that to all the other ways I feel like a big fat failure. But, nonetheless, I'm still here!

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    1. I read you EVERY SINGLE TIME, too - but you know that because I'm an obnoxious commenter. And thank you, thank you, thank you to you both!

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  3. I'm a new follower and don't know you well yet but it does sound like you're a bit hard on yourself. Take care.

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    1. Hey Stephen - welcome back! If i could just quit worrying about what other people think I'd be doing okay.

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  4. Most people who say they don't worry about what other people think are lying or delusional. And the ones who really mean it are generally boring as f*ck. I told my students today that I probably would have been skiing already this year if I wouldn't have to wear jeans, a too-big coat, and wool mittens, thereby announcing myself as the biggest rube this side of the continental divide. Ok, so having a car would help, too.

    And, for what it's worth, I think it's a much greater test of character to do the one thing you want to do in life even though you know you can fail. Keep writing, keep being funny, and keep the... (fumbles for non-religious idiom)... Oh, hell: keep the faith.

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    1. I'm keeping the faith, Lance! As always, thank you for the ego-boost. You always know just what to say. Now, get out there and ski. I know you have friends with cars!

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  5. I just love ya, girl! And I hear you. Even though I've been blogging for a long time (you can't tell from my new blog - I started it to shake off the family and neighbor followers so I could write cuss words and blog about naked pictures and stuff) it's just been within the last year or so that I started connecting with other bloggers. I often have to talk my self out of feeling like the nerdy kid in class - and not the one everyone turns to for help on the chemistry test. I'm talking about the one that walks up to a group of cool kids and does one of those uncomfortable convo break-ins...and everyone looks all disgusted and disbands. (Think you're the only one with self-confidence issues? Ha!)

    I think that's why this post resonated with me (whereas most of yours just make me pee my pants giggling) because I understand that it's hard to put yourself out there - we do it with our blogs just as we do in real life, and I'm always over-evaluating the response. Did they just blow me off? Am I being weird? Do I have spinach in my teeth? What's going on here?

    But I have to remind myself, like you just did, that I'm doing this for me. And if someone blows me off or deletes a comment I've left on their blog (it's happened), who cares? This isn't real life - it's just a blog. It's for me and if someone doesn't reciprocate, just like in real life, there are people who will. You will find, as you have in Marissa, that you will REALLY connect with some and those are the ones that will make it worth it.

    I have really enjoyed connecting with you and your blog. You are an awesome writer. So keep on keep'n on there, Sister! And let's see your Liebster post(s) already!

    And I'll share something embarrassing: only a couple of people on my 'paying it forward' post actually even acknowledged it (talk about buzz-kill). And only ONE person actually did it (Amy @ http://theterriblethrees.blogspot.com) which made me LOVE her even more. You are SURE to have a better response. So get on it, Girlfriend!!

    xo

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    1. Why didn't you write my blog entry? That's EXACTLY what I was trying to say, but failed miserably -

      "I'm talking about the one that walks up to a group of cool kids and does one of those uncomfortable convo break-ins...and everyone looks all disgusted and disbands."

      Yes!! This is my fear.

      I can't tell you how flattered I was to receive such a thoughtful response to this entry. You totally got it and gave me a huge helping of reassurance. There are 4 blogs that I read every entry posted - and yours is one of them. Thank you so much for the support and for "getting" me. It means a ton. I love ya right back!

      PS - someone actually deleted a comment of yours? I wish her a year's worth of yeast infections...what a bitch.

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  6. Slap-dat-ass-tastic? New word that needs to be submitted to Webster. I'm stealing it and passing it around, nonetheless.

    I'm so glad that you started this blog, regardless of your reasons. We've all done something stupid to impress a guy. Your 'stupid' just so happened to blossom into something awesome. Never stop blogging. You are talented and I'd miss you something fierce!

    You and Carol above hit the nail on the head on how I feel so often. And just the fact that I've established ANY kind of friendship from blogging is just amazing to me! WHAT? People LIKE me? This is crazy!

    I'm here to tell you that I'm one of the people that LOVE you, Karen - your words are ones that I wish could be my own. You string honesty and funny together into something eloquent, snarky, and interesting. I'm never bored on your blog. I remember sitting here one day and reading ALL of your posts and I had sore cheeks from smiling so much and it felt like I had done a bunch of crunches after laughing through it all.

    Keep doing what you're doing, 'cause whatever it is, you're doing it right!

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    1. Yes ma'am! Slap-dat-ass-tastic! Use it often in casual conversation.

      And you're welcome for the workout ;) - do you have any clue how huge of a compliment that is? I so, so appreciate these words and you! (more than you can imagine) xo

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